Kizilay explosion

Hi everyone,

There was an explosion in downtown Ankara today, in the Kizilay district. Reports have said that fifteen people have been injured. It's still unconfirmed whether a bomb was planted and, if so, by whom. Praise God that I've been at work all day and was nowhere near town. Having recently been in that part of town -- I was in Kizilay on Sunday night with some friends -- I feel like I could have easily been affected, had it been a different day and a different hour. I don't mean to scare you by saying that -- my life could be in just as much danger had I remained in the States -- but having something so life-threatening occur so close to me is shocking and stunning. It makes me feel so thankful and blessed that God has been watching over me, but, at the same time, really upset and sad for the people that were injured. I know the world doesn't work this way, but I wish that differences could be resolved in non-violent measures. Is it really necessary to destroy lives to get what we want? And is it really necessary to impose iron-fist rulings that clearly suffocate and endanger lives, souls that have the same basic needs, desires, and dreams? Thinking about all the wars -- domestically, internationally, etc -- going on the world is so disheartening at times. In situations like these, I feel like the need to spend time in prayer is even more evident.

Adjustments

Hello friends!

I know I've been MIA for some time now. I've been in Turkey for about a month now and this is only my first post. I've contemplated how I want to present my experience here for some time. I'm not exactly the best storyteller out there, nor am I a very witty writer. Not being either of those, I've hesitated to describe the past 4 weeks, afraid that I would not do Turkey justice. However, I've realized that my goal in keeping this blog is to share what's going on in my life with you all. One of my great weaknesses is keeping in touch with those that matter to me. In my mind, I have so many things to say to all of you, yet for me to actually get those thoughts written down on paper or typed out is difficult. Thus, my goal in keeping this blog is to keep my life open to you all and not shy away from friendships and relationship that can sometimes seem so elusive and unreal when I am so far away from home. I suppose if I can discipline my body to train for races, I can surely discipline my mind to share what's going on here and open up about the challenges and struggles I face.

Going away from home and leaving everything familiar always seems like such a grand adventure. I remember staring out my apartment window last year, excited for the unknown. Somehow, on the other side of the ocean, I tend to forget the lonely, difficult moments that inevitably accompany moving to another country. Though I'm excited for new adventures, friendships, and great memories, those things usually build up over time. For now, I'm still only getting to know and understand my co-workers, adjust to different personalities, as well as accustom myself to the Turkish.

There's no way I can account for the past four weeks in one blog post. I can say that I am very thankful and blessed to be where I am. As an instructor at the university, I am well taken care of -- I have a comfortable, modern flat, private health insurance, a modest salary, even a mini gym and laundry room in my basement, and very supportive housing and teaching services. The university I work at is kind of secluded from downtown Ankara -- it's about a 15-20 bus ride away -- and is a bubble of its own in a way. Here at Bilkent, most people are quite educated and have encountered English speaking foreigners, making it relatively easy to get by. In the city, it's a bit harder to get around if you don't speak any Turkish.

The one thing that seems to remain the same in our cozy university campus and in the big city are the number of stares I get for being oriental. I know the stares are (mostly) harmless and a reaction to seeing something rare and uncommon in Turkey, but having groups of men walk by you, drive by you, or stop their car by the side of the road with their eyes glued on you is rather unsettling. Here, people are not afraid to let you know that they are looking at you. When I was little, my mom taught me to never stare at people because it was rude. Leaving a country that welcomes and embraces differences, it is weird and tiring being noticed all the time because I don't blend in very well. I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of entertainment -- a dancing monkey, perhaps -- when all types of people gawk at me. It was really hard to ignore the stares I was getting today while I waited at the bus stop: a white BMW pulled up right in front of where I was standing with my friends. The windows were pulled down, and though I didn't look directly at the car, I could feel five pairs of eyes stare me down. After the car parked, five well-dressed men walked out of the car, all eyes on me, as they walked towards me to the cafe that was behind the bus stop. I don't think the newly implemented airport body security scan could even make me feel quite as uncomfortable or as intruded on as those men did this afternoon.

Though it is a blessing to be here and I know God has a purpose for me during my ten months here, it's hard not to miss familiarity. Sticking out like a sore thumb and knowing only about ten survival Turkish phrases, I have felt pretty darn homesick. Initially, I missed American food most. By American, I mean everything that I eat while I'm in America -- pumpkin pie, kimchi (!), dumplings, Indian curry (my stomach is grumbling..), In-N-Out hamburgers, chips & salsa, and Pike's Market's smoked salmon, just to name a few. But as the weeks have progressed, I've really missed my Ethos community and fellowship with other believers most. I made it out to a Nigerian Baptist Church this past Sunday and it was awesome singing my heart out with fellow believers. At one point during the service, I thought of the Newsboys song He Reigns: ".. it's every tribe, every tongue, every nation, a love song born of a grateful choir. It's all God's children singing glory, glory, hallelujah He reigns!" It was truly amazing and encouraging being able to worship God in Turkey with believers I had never met before. Yet, at the same time, it made me long for the intimate fellowship I experienced last year in my Ethos group, with the worship team, and other believers. I am praying God will provide me with a community where I can grow and fellowship with other believers, and also share with others how God has changed my life. For now, I am trying to hold onto God's promises in Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you, He will not leave you or forsake you."